If you’ve ever stayed in a hostel, then you probably noticed two things right off the bat. First, Hostels are full of attractive, young, fun-loving people. And second, there is virtually no privacy. The bathrooms are communal and the bedrooms are dormitory style, with anywhere between three and 20 people all sharing one dorm. This is why hostels are so cheap – you share your space, and you get a cheap, no frills place to crash. There is a hostel in Munich called The Tent that is literally a giant circus tent, housing upwards of 200 snoring, farting, floor-sleeping budget backpackers in one giant room. How’s that for romance? (Incidentally, The Tent is an amazing place to stay!)
But more than just a bed to sleep in, hostels offer the chance to connect with other young, fun, travelers from around the world. And as you can imagine, when you get that many young, like-minded people together in one room (often with a bit of booze added to the mix) – things are bound to get hot and heavy at some point. But that leaves the question: Where do you have sex in a hostel?
The easy answer is “Quietly, quickly, and with a condom, sailor!” But there is more to it than just that.
The mating ritual of the international backpacker is a complicated process. I’ve stayed in hundreds of hostels all over the world, and I lived and worked at Raglan Backpackers in New Zealand for 6 months, so I learned a thing or two about how the magic happens.
How NOT to have Sex in a Hostel
Don’t Hang a Sheet
Hanging a Sheet is when a couple decides to share the lower bunk and they hang a sheet from the top bunk to give them the illusion of privacy. Also known as hanging a “Shag-Sheet” (Thanks to Reklaw for that term!), this is a move that traveling couples always seem to think is okay. It’s not okay. In fact, it just makes it all the more obvious what is really going on down there — and trust me, none of your roommates appreciate it.
Don’t Bang on the Bunk Beds
If you hang a sheet or not, there is no way around the fact that bunk beds are notoriously creaky, squeaky, and wobbly. When you get going, the whole thing gets going. If you’re going to pound town on the bottom bunk, whoever is on the top bunk is experiencing a magnitude 6.9 earthquake. And everyone else in the room can hear the sqeeek eeek eeek of your creaky metal bunk bed. Sure, you think you’re being really quiet, but when someone is trying to sleep just a few feet away, or directly above you, even a little heavy breathing is hard to hide.
So Where Should I Have Sex in a Hostel??
Well there are actually lots of options, but you’ll have to be a little bit adventurous for some of them.
Shag in the Showers
Showers are always a great place for sex. You’re already supposed to be naked in there anyway, so why not bring a friend! Every hostel is different, so it really depends on where you are staying. Some hostels actually have private showers meant for one person with lockable doors – this is ideal. Just turn on the water for some background noise and go wild! If the hostel has stall showers, you can still go at it, but you might have people in and out of the room while you’re getting busy, especially if the toilets are in the same room, which is kinda gross.
Humping in the Handicapped Stall
This is another common place for hostel horn-dogs to get down. The handicapped stall is always bigger, usually unoccupied, and it has handrails built into the wall for those extra complicated kinky moves you’ve been wanting to try. Sometimes, the handicapped stall is even completely separate from the other bathrooms, so you’ll have ultimate privacy. Now, some people have issues with getting busy in a bathroom, but seriously people, if the other alternative is getting busy in a room full of relative strangers who are trying to sleep, I say got over your germ issues and go for it!
Lovin’ in the Laundry
The laundry room is an often overlooked place that is pretty much perfect for sex. In smaller hostels, they will have just one or two washers and driers, often in small room, ideally with a door that locks. The best part is that people rarely do laundry late at night, so if there is a laundry room, you’ll probably have it all to yourself. Turn on the drier for background noise and bonus vibrato and you’ve got the perfect laundry love shack!
Common Room Couch
Every hostel has a common room where there are usually a few couches, tables, tv, etc. This is not the best place to get down, but in a pinch, it works. Couches are comfortable, and they allow for a couple of positions that can be more difficult or painful (or unsanitary) in laundry rooms and shower stalls. The ability to pull off the common room couch depends on the layout of the hostel. If you can close a door, do it. If not, you’re risking an embarrassing walk-in. So if you’re not too shy and you’re pretty sure that everyone else is asleep, I say go for it. You probably won’t be the first ones give those couch cushions some extra pushin’!
Bonus tip – I’ve heard of someone actually pulling the couch out from the wall 4 or 5 feet, and laying a couple blankets on the floor as a makeshift bed. This interesting technique can give you a little more privacy, But you never know what filth lurks behind a hostel couch, so beware!
Parking Lot Pimpin’
Most hostels have secure parking lots for their guest’s cars, and even if you don’t have a car, you should have access to the lot. You’ll probably be able to find a dark, hidden nook or a nice space between to cars to have your fun. Bonus points if you leave boob prints on someone’s hood! Just make sure the lot is not patrolled by security before you strip down!
If your hostel has roof access (maybe via the stairwell or a fire escape), then you’ve got yourself a great place for a bit of private time with your lucky lover. The rooftop is bound to be deserted, and will probably have a great view of the surrounding area. This can be a romantic place to bring a bottle and a blanket and spend the evening together. If it’s a slanted, shingled roof, I’d say it’s a no-go. But if it’s a flat, tar and gravel roof, you’re in business! Just be careful up there, and abort the mission if there is climbing involved. You should never climb anything while intoxicated, no matter how cute and adventurous that Swedish backpacker happens to be!
Go Off the Reservation
For some reason, people forget that they are allowed to leave the hostel. If you and your new friend are looking for a place to get down and dirty, you should consider options further afield than the hostel bathroom stall. If the neighborhood is safe and it’s late at night, you can get pretty adventurous with public sex. Think of lakes, beaches, parks, etc. The swing set at the park down the street you’re your suddenly has so many new uses! Just be sure to clean up your act before you leave – kids and families come to these places during daylight hours, so have so respect for the locals.
So you see, sex in a hostel is definitely possible. There are plenty of places to do the dirty without waking your bunk buddy. Whether you decide to use the laundry room or the roof, just make sure you’re safe, respectful, and you use protection! And when you’re done with that protection, throw it in the trash – hostel workers hate finding used condoms. Hate it.
Any spots I missed? Tell me your favorite place for hostel hookups in the comments section below – Come on, don’t be shy! ;)